12 Bites of Humble Pie

Written as a guide for the brothers under his care, "The Rule of St. Benedict" written in the 6th Century continues to offer spiritual guidance today. One of Benedict's primary issues is to encourage the brothers to seek a humble life. He offers 12 steps to humility and likens it unto a ladder with each rung being a step towards growth in relationship to God and others. In reading the Rule and other works about Benedictine spirituality I've come up with my own translation of those steps to humility. I shared this years ago on a different site, but felt the need to share them again, primarily for myself, but perhaps there will be something on here to encourage you. 

1. Always keep the reverence of Almighty God before us.
2. Submit to the will of Christ above our own desires.
3. Submit to spiritual leadership.
4. Persevere in our obedience and do not give in to the desire to give up.
5. Confess to a spiritual leader.
6. Realize our worth comes from God not our abilities or positions.
7. Understand that this process is to deepen our relationship with Him.
8. Follow your spiritual disciplines and your spiritual leader.
9. Control our communication with others, what we speak or type.
10. Be aware of what makes us laugh and ensure it’s not to the detriment of another.
11. Use words with a sense of calm and awareness of their power.
12. Realize humility is to become a normal part of our relationship with God and others.

15 Years

This week marks 15 years of employment with the same company. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about this milestone. 

On one hand, this marks 15 years of steady income, that's 360 paychecks. That's the opportunity to have 3 squares a day for 15 years. That's getting married, having two kids, rent/mortgage, an occasional family vacation, medical insurance, somewhat reliable transportation, experiencing different parts of the country, and Christmas gifts. I'm thankful for all of that provision. Sometimes at dinner one of the kids will say a prayer of thanks for our food and Rachael will say, "Thank you Daddy" and then I will say, "Thank you (the name of the company)". I know in uncertain times many friends and family members have had a difficult time finding work yet I just keep on getting up every morning doing the same thing. I've also been fortunate to work myself up the chain of command to the highest position at the local level. With those promotions, I have gained experience and opportunities that I otherwise would not have possessed. Most importantly I have the opportunity to be a good boss. Inside and outside the company I have had some amazing bosses and well, the other kind too. Being a good boss is  challenging for me because I'm not an inspiring person, I'm not well educated, I'm not easy on the eyes, I get discouraged easily, I'm an introvert, I'm more quirky than funny, but if I can help someone become a better whoever they are, then I've done my job. As I think over the years, there are a handful of people whom I think I was able to help. Conversely, there are others who now hate my guts for various reasons, some whom I wish I had the opportunity to change their minds, and others who will never change their opinion of me. Overall, good has been done during these years.

On the other hand, this milestone is frustrating. Fifteen years is a long time - 3 different presidents, 39% of my life, births, deaths, 9/11, marriages, divorces, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, relocations, a lot has happened during those years. With all of that time passing, I'm maxed out as far as promotions go. I don't play golf, I don't have a business degree, I'm not friends with the CEO, my personal beliefs are not the same as upper management. I know I could go get a business degree, I could learn to play golf, I could follow the CEO on Twitter, I could do things to get my name mentioned in corporate meetings, but none of those things interest me. I dislike whenever we have nationwide meetings because I know I don't belong here, I know I don't fit in with this crowd. As I look to the future, I'm only 1/3 of the way to retirement, yep, 29 more years til full retirement benefits. I ask myself, how much longer can I take the stress, blood pressure issues, the uncertainty of the future of retail and the book industry. The particular specialty industry I'm a part of is, (as I'm witnessing at this moment) completely dependent on a small film company in South Georgia and a middle-aged ladies Bible teacher in Houston. Can they maintain their popularity for the next 29 years? Will someone or something else rise up to take their place? I don't like the idea of my ability to provide for my family in the hands of such a small group of people. So what do I do?

I don't know.

I'm attempting to go back to school this summer and complete some kind of a degree. But what degree? I would like some sort of guarantee that completing a degree will translate into a fulfilling job - emotionally, financially. However, I know that such a guarantee does not exist. 

I could pursue my dream job, it has not changed over the years, but it's highly risky. With a family who depends on me financially, it's just too big of a risk. I won't share that dream job right now, maybe one day. If we actually know each other, you already know it anyway.

What to do?

Today, at this moment, I will keep doing what I know to do. Attempt to be faithful with whatever is set before me. I will go in to work in a few hours. I will try to help my staff do what they need to do. I will try to meet the needs of customers. I will hope that whatever I contributed today is enough. I won't try to get my name mentioned, I won't try to make my boss like me, I won't attempt to acquire praise from corporate people. I will be faithful. That's been my plan for the past 15 years and as long as I'm with this company it will continue to be my plan.