12 Bites of Humble Pie

Written as a guide for the brothers under his care, "The Rule of St. Benedict" written in the 6th Century continues to offer spiritual guidance today. One of Benedict's primary issues is to encourage the brothers to seek a humble life. He offers 12 steps to humility and likens it unto a ladder with each rung being a step towards growth in relationship to God and others. In reading the Rule and other works about Benedictine spirituality I've come up with my own translation of those steps to humility. I shared this years ago on a different site, but felt the need to share them again, primarily for myself, but perhaps there will be something on here to encourage you. 

1. Always keep the reverence of Almighty God before us.
2. Submit to the will of Christ above our own desires.
3. Submit to spiritual leadership.
4. Persevere in our obedience and do not give in to the desire to give up.
5. Confess to a spiritual leader.
6. Realize our worth comes from God not our abilities or positions.
7. Understand that this process is to deepen our relationship with Him.
8. Follow your spiritual disciplines and your spiritual leader.
9. Control our communication with others, what we speak or type.
10. Be aware of what makes us laugh and ensure it’s not to the detriment of another.
11. Use words with a sense of calm and awareness of their power.
12. Realize humility is to become a normal part of our relationship with God and others.

15 Years

This week marks 15 years of employment with the same company. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about this milestone. 

On one hand, this marks 15 years of steady income, that's 360 paychecks. That's the opportunity to have 3 squares a day for 15 years. That's getting married, having two kids, rent/mortgage, an occasional family vacation, medical insurance, somewhat reliable transportation, experiencing different parts of the country, and Christmas gifts. I'm thankful for all of that provision. Sometimes at dinner one of the kids will say a prayer of thanks for our food and Rachael will say, "Thank you Daddy" and then I will say, "Thank you (the name of the company)". I know in uncertain times many friends and family members have had a difficult time finding work yet I just keep on getting up every morning doing the same thing. I've also been fortunate to work myself up the chain of command to the highest position at the local level. With those promotions, I have gained experience and opportunities that I otherwise would not have possessed. Most importantly I have the opportunity to be a good boss. Inside and outside the company I have had some amazing bosses and well, the other kind too. Being a good boss is  challenging for me because I'm not an inspiring person, I'm not well educated, I'm not easy on the eyes, I get discouraged easily, I'm an introvert, I'm more quirky than funny, but if I can help someone become a better whoever they are, then I've done my job. As I think over the years, there are a handful of people whom I think I was able to help. Conversely, there are others who now hate my guts for various reasons, some whom I wish I had the opportunity to change their minds, and others who will never change their opinion of me. Overall, good has been done during these years.

On the other hand, this milestone is frustrating. Fifteen years is a long time - 3 different presidents, 39% of my life, births, deaths, 9/11, marriages, divorces, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, relocations, a lot has happened during those years. With all of that time passing, I'm maxed out as far as promotions go. I don't play golf, I don't have a business degree, I'm not friends with the CEO, my personal beliefs are not the same as upper management. I know I could go get a business degree, I could learn to play golf, I could follow the CEO on Twitter, I could do things to get my name mentioned in corporate meetings, but none of those things interest me. I dislike whenever we have nationwide meetings because I know I don't belong here, I know I don't fit in with this crowd. As I look to the future, I'm only 1/3 of the way to retirement, yep, 29 more years til full retirement benefits. I ask myself, how much longer can I take the stress, blood pressure issues, the uncertainty of the future of retail and the book industry. The particular specialty industry I'm a part of is, (as I'm witnessing at this moment) completely dependent on a small film company in South Georgia and a middle-aged ladies Bible teacher in Houston. Can they maintain their popularity for the next 29 years? Will someone or something else rise up to take their place? I don't like the idea of my ability to provide for my family in the hands of such a small group of people. So what do I do?

I don't know.

I'm attempting to go back to school this summer and complete some kind of a degree. But what degree? I would like some sort of guarantee that completing a degree will translate into a fulfilling job - emotionally, financially. However, I know that such a guarantee does not exist. 

I could pursue my dream job, it has not changed over the years, but it's highly risky. With a family who depends on me financially, it's just too big of a risk. I won't share that dream job right now, maybe one day. If we actually know each other, you already know it anyway.

What to do?

Today, at this moment, I will keep doing what I know to do. Attempt to be faithful with whatever is set before me. I will go in to work in a few hours. I will try to help my staff do what they need to do. I will try to meet the needs of customers. I will hope that whatever I contributed today is enough. I won't try to get my name mentioned, I won't try to make my boss like me, I won't attempt to acquire praise from corporate people. I will be faithful. That's been my plan for the past 15 years and as long as I'm with this company it will continue to be my plan.

20th Anniversary

It's the moment you never thought you wanted, more details to follow.


Today, July 25, 2012 is the twentieth anniversary of my becoming a legal adult.  That's right it's my birthday!  In the spirit of the upcoming Hobbit movie, I wanted to give all 3 of my readers a gift.


So, here it is.


Wisdom from 20 years as an adult, for free. 


(And a big announcement in the end, that doesn't mean scroll to the end, you'll want to earn this announcement by reading EVERYTHING. Trust me.)

• CHANGE YOUR OWN OIL - When I learned how to drive, my Dad showed me how to change a tire and change the oil in my car.  It's cheaper and in his immortal words, "That way you'll know it's done right."  Learn how to take care of your stuff.  With the help of message boards, youtube videos, and websites I've fixed my car, our AC unit, our washer and our dryer.  With all of the knowledge we have at our fingertips, take advantage of it and be self-sufficient in taking care of your things. 
•  LIVE THE GOLDEN RULE - Looking back on my 18th birthday, I see that my 18 year old self and my 38 year old self had two different understandings of the concept of what made someone have great spiritual stature. There were things that I thought were absolute truth when I was 18 that I've come to understand are completely false.  For instance, I believed that certain social behaviors were complete, infallible signs of someone's lack of understanding of spiritual matters.  I believed that if a person used certain words, consumed certain beverages or watched certain movies that they were unregenerate, low down dirty scum and I felt pity for them. Now, I'm more of the mind that how someone treats another human being is a far better indicator of their spiritual state. The way a person treats a waiter, a cashier, their spouse, their kids, their co-workers, their employees, or their boss says, to me, everything about their spiritual walk.  I don't care how much theology they've studied, if they're inconsiderate of others, they fail the test.  Don't fail the test, love others, serve others, be kind.
• MAKE FRIENDS - We moved a lot while growing up, so I didn't really have close friends until college. In high school I hung out with some people but we never really shared life. Since I turned 18, I've been blessed to have several folks I consider close, true friends.  People that I could call at 3 am and if I needed them they would be there.  These are important people to have in your world.  Life is rough and unpredictable, your school, job, boss, pastor will let you down, make sure you have people you can count on in those situations.  If you're reading this and you're one of those handful of people whom I call friend, thank you.  Also, be a friend, don't just take someone else's friendship, give friendship to others.  It's risky and you'll probably get hurt at some point, but  C. S. Lewis said that the only place we are safe from the perils of love, is Hell.
• DON'T TOLERATE BULLYING - Bullying is in the news just about everywhere nowadays and it's definitely something that needs to be addressed.  I haven't spoken about this to many people, but I feel like I need to share.  I was a victim of bullying pretty much from 6th grade through High School.  Name calling, physical abuse and some of it could be classified as sexual abuse.  For a long time, this clouded my perceptions of people.  It took a while to trust people and begin to share my thoughts and feelings with others.  In some ways I'm still healing from some of those names and situations.  If you find yourself in a situation where someone is trying to take advantage of you, use you, or abuse you, leave it.  Maybe not forever, but for that time you need to get out of it and I don't care who the person is, a spouse, a friend, boss, pastor, separate yourself from that person until you can deal with it on a level playing field.  Get a mediator involved, just don't put yourself in a place of persistent hurt.
• GET UP, STAND UP - We all have baggage, I just shared with you some of mine.  It makes me so sad to interact with people that continue to live with their baggage, waiting on someone or something else to take care of it for them.  It's called having a 'victim mentality' and I think it pervades more of our of culture than we think.  I had an episode earlier this year with my blood pressure and I'm now on medicine.  Now, I can get mad at my genes for causing this, at McDonald's for serving me bad, sodium-rich food, at the gym for being too expensive, and at my job for being too stressful.  Or I can look at the situation I'm in, get up off my rear, and do something about it.  If I wait on someone else to fix my high blood pressure, to give me a better job, to make me a better spouse, parent, citizen, I'll be waiting a long time.  Don't wait, do something, right now, today.

Hopefully those lessons are helpful to you.  If not, well, forgive me.


And for those of you who've made it this far, here's the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

Since I was 4, I've loved to draw.  I started learning how to paint when I was 13 and fell in love with oil painting.  I went to the other side of the continent at 18 to learn more about painting.  And then I got a job in retail.  Now, my retail job has paid the bills for a while now and I'm thankful for the opportunity to provide for my family, I LIKE my job, but I LOVE to paint.  So I thought rather than wait until something happens with my painting, why not do something about it.  So today I'm launching my own store where you, yes, you can purchase a piece of me, of my art.  I know this won't replace my day job, but part of the artist's satisfaction in creating art is in sharing the art.  So here's the link to the store, it's under construction and I hope to add more pieces as they come about over the next few weeks.  Stay tuned.


Adam's store


If you like something buy it, if you want something let me know about. I'm open to commissions and finding new ways to make folks happy with something for their walls.


Thanks for reading this far, man, you're a trooper.  Have a great one!


Peace,
Adam

Ignorance Is Strength

It's been 2 months since my last post.  Life has been busy but I've still been pursuing my goal of reading some classic works to grow my brain and gain insights about the world around me. I'm averaging one book a month, slower than what I wanted but progress is progress.


Number 4 on the list is Orwell's classic work "1984".  I read Orwell's "Animal Farm" in high school but missed this great work.  First off, I love a good dystopian future book or movie, "Children of Men," "Blade Runner," "A Brave New World" are some of my favorites.  "1984" didn't disappoint my desire to entire a hopeless world.  The world of "1984" is run by an entity known as Big Brother, an unknown, ominous figure who controls everything in society via a group of people known simply as The Party.  The story centers on Winston Smith, a government employee, tasked with the job of altering historical documents to reflect the government's current ideologies and pursuits.  Winston suspects that something is not right in this world and the reader follows him on this road of discovery as to the true nature of his reality.  


Winston's story kept my attention from page 1.  His discontentment with the world around him and his feelings of powerlessness were highly relatable.  I enjoyed his emotional development from a nagging discontentment to rebellion to discovery to...well you'll have to read it to find out what happens.  (I hate spoilers)  


Orwell created a complete world for Winston to live in, and went to great lengths to help the reader understand the complexity of this world.  Almost the first third of the book is devoted to painting the landscape of life under the rule of the Party.  I loved that the Party's ideologies could be distilled to 3 slogans:

WAR IS PEACE

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I loved this because we live in a world where a good marketing campaign is sometimes all you need to create change.  This is unfortunately true of the Church.  As one who identifies himself with the teachings of Christ, I see how the Church jumps onto slogans and bandwagons rather joyfully to avoid having to think deeply or act wisely on issues.  Which leads me to the most relevant of the 3 slogans, "Ignorance is strength".  This idea which Orwell addresses so well in the book challenges me.  

As with any piece of art my first question is, "Does it communicate something truthful?"  I have to overwhelmingly say that this slogan definitely communicates truth, not a pleasant truth, but a truth within our culture nevertheless.  We as a society would rather be told what to think than think for ourselves, we subconsciously desire to remain ignorant on issues.  We want to do and believe whatever our political, religious and educational system leaders tell us.  I can say this because I've been there and still struggle with this issue.  For half of my life I was told by well-meaning people that I can only read one, archaic translation of the Bible, that wearing shorts and thus revealing my scrawny, pasty white legs would lead countless women to adulterous thoughts, and that mere attendance at church gatherings equaled a life of holiness.  Like many around me, I didn't question those and other ideas out of fear.  For many years my ignorance was a source of strength, I knew it all and no one could tell me different.  Then I began a journey like Winston's.  Except I moved away, I began to read things for myself, think for myself, standing on my own, believing what I believed because I knew why I believed it.  As Dylan puts it, "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."  In the eyes of many, I became weak. I realized that life is complex, ancient texts are complex, people are complex, God is complex and to pretend that I understand all of those parts of my life and the cosmos is a fool's game.  To me that's not ignorance it's a humble acceptance of the truth, the truth that I'm one guy, I don't have all the answers, and I'm trying to figure this out as best  as I can with the time I have.  

Today (draft)

I love you go away full fill your duty of conjured happiness
Take the illegal car spurts and gurts nefariously seeing shadows of vice
Unleash the golden key 9,431 turns to the open 
grave with bones asking for new earrings
Yard crosses yelling I've got better things to do
Nine dollars and ninety-nine cents
More! More! More! I whisper
at the avalanche of nouns
How dare you remain satisfied with Tuesday?
Peanut butter and jelly leave the meat eaters hungry
500 pounds of beef will be the only satisfying plea bargain
Do it five more times or it's off to the slammer
Leave and come back to the headache 
My blood pressure is significantly higher

Slaughterhouse-Five

It's a travesty that before picking up this book my only knowledge of Kurt Vonnegut was his cameo appearance in "Back to School".  "Slaughterhouse-Five" may be the most interesting book I've ever read, which explains why it was towards the top of the reading list.  The story, which doesn't begin until chapter 2, starts with the line, "Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time." And the journey begins.


We follow Billy Pilgrim as he is transported from his time as a POW during WWII, to a middle-aged husband and father, to his time on the alien planet Tralfamadore. Vonnegut's prose flows seamlessly between these various events and times of his life.  Pilgrim's experience in WWII focuses on an event I was not familiar with, the bombing of Dresden.  An event mired in controversy, with some death toll estimates surpassing that of Hiroshima.    After the war, Billy marries and becomes an optometrist with some measure of success.  Then in 1967 he is abducted by the Tralfamadorians and taken to their home planet to be on display in their zoo.  Since Billy is "unstuck in time" he travels freely between these parts of his life. 


There is a theme of imprisonment throughout Billy's journeys.  He's trapped as a POW, told what to do and when to do it, as an exhibit in the Tralfamadorian Zoo, and he's trapped in the real world in a marriage he doesn't enjoy with people who don't understand him.  All of these outside forces contribute to his utter disconnection with everything and everyone around him.  These feelings of entrapment permeate much of the Western world.  I confess that there have been and continue to be moments when I feel trapped by entities I do not and cannot control.  Oftentimes this results in disconnecting from the world and focusing my attention and energies on other pursuits that offer, at the very least, a perceived freedom.


My first foray into Vonnegut's writings provided much enjoyment.  I literally laughed out loud during several passages.  His ability to weave together seemingly disparate parts of Billy's life is utterly amazing, he was a genius.  (And so it goes.)  I'm looking forward to reading more from Vonnegut as I make my way down the list.

"The Great Gatsby"

At least twice in my life I've been assigned to read "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I'm pretty sure I read it one of those times, though I can't be for certain.  In my reading list  this book is actually listed first and it tops many lists of the greatest novels of the 20th century and of American literature. It truly is a work of art. Certain passages simply blew my mind in their depth and beauty.  


"I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life." 


"Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people I have ever known."


And quite possibly my favorite line from the book and one that I believe summarizes the four main characters...


"A phrase began to beat in my ears with a sort of heady excitement: 'There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired.'"


This short novel explores the life of Jay Gatsby through the eyes of Nick Carraway, Gatsby's neighbor on Long Island during the 1920's.  Gatsby is the envy of most everyone, throwing elaborate parties at his mansion, and remaining an enigma to much of society.  As Nick and Gatsby's friendship grows, more details are revealed as to Gatsby's true nature and his arrival on Long Island.  In relation to the quote above we learn that he is definitely one of "the pursuing" types of people to whom Nick is referring.  In my mind, this is why Fitzgerald refers to Gatsby as "great", he's an opportunistic, self-made man, with a firm goal in mind. He's the iconic hero in a great American novel.  An individual, pulling himself up by his bootstraps, who cannot rest until he has everything he desires, all distinctively American attributes.  


So what can I learn from "The Great Gatsby"?  The character of Jay Gatsby is in pursuit of a lofty goal, like me and my pursuit of bettering my mind, body and spirit.  However, Gatsby and I differ on what we are pursuing.  To mention Gatsby's primary pursuit would be to give away a major plot point, so I won't.  If you haven't read the book then for the sake of this entry just know that it's something he cannot and should not possess.  But, the pursuit of his goal has made his life interesting and well, "great", and once it is within his grasp his world begins to crumble.  My goal is to be a better man, husband, father, son, friend through growing my health, my mental faculties and my spiritual life.  I realize that I will never fully achieve this goal, there will always be room for improvement in my life, but, like Gatsby, my hope is that the pursuit itself will make my life "great".