20th Anniversary

It's the moment you never thought you wanted, more details to follow.


Today, July 25, 2012 is the twentieth anniversary of my becoming a legal adult.  That's right it's my birthday!  In the spirit of the upcoming Hobbit movie, I wanted to give all 3 of my readers a gift.


So, here it is.


Wisdom from 20 years as an adult, for free. 


(And a big announcement in the end, that doesn't mean scroll to the end, you'll want to earn this announcement by reading EVERYTHING. Trust me.)

• CHANGE YOUR OWN OIL - When I learned how to drive, my Dad showed me how to change a tire and change the oil in my car.  It's cheaper and in his immortal words, "That way you'll know it's done right."  Learn how to take care of your stuff.  With the help of message boards, youtube videos, and websites I've fixed my car, our AC unit, our washer and our dryer.  With all of the knowledge we have at our fingertips, take advantage of it and be self-sufficient in taking care of your things. 
•  LIVE THE GOLDEN RULE - Looking back on my 18th birthday, I see that my 18 year old self and my 38 year old self had two different understandings of the concept of what made someone have great spiritual stature. There were things that I thought were absolute truth when I was 18 that I've come to understand are completely false.  For instance, I believed that certain social behaviors were complete, infallible signs of someone's lack of understanding of spiritual matters.  I believed that if a person used certain words, consumed certain beverages or watched certain movies that they were unregenerate, low down dirty scum and I felt pity for them. Now, I'm more of the mind that how someone treats another human being is a far better indicator of their spiritual state. The way a person treats a waiter, a cashier, their spouse, their kids, their co-workers, their employees, or their boss says, to me, everything about their spiritual walk.  I don't care how much theology they've studied, if they're inconsiderate of others, they fail the test.  Don't fail the test, love others, serve others, be kind.
• MAKE FRIENDS - We moved a lot while growing up, so I didn't really have close friends until college. In high school I hung out with some people but we never really shared life. Since I turned 18, I've been blessed to have several folks I consider close, true friends.  People that I could call at 3 am and if I needed them they would be there.  These are important people to have in your world.  Life is rough and unpredictable, your school, job, boss, pastor will let you down, make sure you have people you can count on in those situations.  If you're reading this and you're one of those handful of people whom I call friend, thank you.  Also, be a friend, don't just take someone else's friendship, give friendship to others.  It's risky and you'll probably get hurt at some point, but  C. S. Lewis said that the only place we are safe from the perils of love, is Hell.
• DON'T TOLERATE BULLYING - Bullying is in the news just about everywhere nowadays and it's definitely something that needs to be addressed.  I haven't spoken about this to many people, but I feel like I need to share.  I was a victim of bullying pretty much from 6th grade through High School.  Name calling, physical abuse and some of it could be classified as sexual abuse.  For a long time, this clouded my perceptions of people.  It took a while to trust people and begin to share my thoughts and feelings with others.  In some ways I'm still healing from some of those names and situations.  If you find yourself in a situation where someone is trying to take advantage of you, use you, or abuse you, leave it.  Maybe not forever, but for that time you need to get out of it and I don't care who the person is, a spouse, a friend, boss, pastor, separate yourself from that person until you can deal with it on a level playing field.  Get a mediator involved, just don't put yourself in a place of persistent hurt.
• GET UP, STAND UP - We all have baggage, I just shared with you some of mine.  It makes me so sad to interact with people that continue to live with their baggage, waiting on someone or something else to take care of it for them.  It's called having a 'victim mentality' and I think it pervades more of our of culture than we think.  I had an episode earlier this year with my blood pressure and I'm now on medicine.  Now, I can get mad at my genes for causing this, at McDonald's for serving me bad, sodium-rich food, at the gym for being too expensive, and at my job for being too stressful.  Or I can look at the situation I'm in, get up off my rear, and do something about it.  If I wait on someone else to fix my high blood pressure, to give me a better job, to make me a better spouse, parent, citizen, I'll be waiting a long time.  Don't wait, do something, right now, today.

Hopefully those lessons are helpful to you.  If not, well, forgive me.


And for those of you who've made it this far, here's the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

Since I was 4, I've loved to draw.  I started learning how to paint when I was 13 and fell in love with oil painting.  I went to the other side of the continent at 18 to learn more about painting.  And then I got a job in retail.  Now, my retail job has paid the bills for a while now and I'm thankful for the opportunity to provide for my family, I LIKE my job, but I LOVE to paint.  So I thought rather than wait until something happens with my painting, why not do something about it.  So today I'm launching my own store where you, yes, you can purchase a piece of me, of my art.  I know this won't replace my day job, but part of the artist's satisfaction in creating art is in sharing the art.  So here's the link to the store, it's under construction and I hope to add more pieces as they come about over the next few weeks.  Stay tuned.


Adam's store


If you like something buy it, if you want something let me know about. I'm open to commissions and finding new ways to make folks happy with something for their walls.


Thanks for reading this far, man, you're a trooper.  Have a great one!


Peace,
Adam

Ignorance Is Strength

It's been 2 months since my last post.  Life has been busy but I've still been pursuing my goal of reading some classic works to grow my brain and gain insights about the world around me. I'm averaging one book a month, slower than what I wanted but progress is progress.


Number 4 on the list is Orwell's classic work "1984".  I read Orwell's "Animal Farm" in high school but missed this great work.  First off, I love a good dystopian future book or movie, "Children of Men," "Blade Runner," "A Brave New World" are some of my favorites.  "1984" didn't disappoint my desire to entire a hopeless world.  The world of "1984" is run by an entity known as Big Brother, an unknown, ominous figure who controls everything in society via a group of people known simply as The Party.  The story centers on Winston Smith, a government employee, tasked with the job of altering historical documents to reflect the government's current ideologies and pursuits.  Winston suspects that something is not right in this world and the reader follows him on this road of discovery as to the true nature of his reality.  


Winston's story kept my attention from page 1.  His discontentment with the world around him and his feelings of powerlessness were highly relatable.  I enjoyed his emotional development from a nagging discontentment to rebellion to discovery to...well you'll have to read it to find out what happens.  (I hate spoilers)  


Orwell created a complete world for Winston to live in, and went to great lengths to help the reader understand the complexity of this world.  Almost the first third of the book is devoted to painting the landscape of life under the rule of the Party.  I loved that the Party's ideologies could be distilled to 3 slogans:

WAR IS PEACE

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I loved this because we live in a world where a good marketing campaign is sometimes all you need to create change.  This is unfortunately true of the Church.  As one who identifies himself with the teachings of Christ, I see how the Church jumps onto slogans and bandwagons rather joyfully to avoid having to think deeply or act wisely on issues.  Which leads me to the most relevant of the 3 slogans, "Ignorance is strength".  This idea which Orwell addresses so well in the book challenges me.  

As with any piece of art my first question is, "Does it communicate something truthful?"  I have to overwhelmingly say that this slogan definitely communicates truth, not a pleasant truth, but a truth within our culture nevertheless.  We as a society would rather be told what to think than think for ourselves, we subconsciously desire to remain ignorant on issues.  We want to do and believe whatever our political, religious and educational system leaders tell us.  I can say this because I've been there and still struggle with this issue.  For half of my life I was told by well-meaning people that I can only read one, archaic translation of the Bible, that wearing shorts and thus revealing my scrawny, pasty white legs would lead countless women to adulterous thoughts, and that mere attendance at church gatherings equaled a life of holiness.  Like many around me, I didn't question those and other ideas out of fear.  For many years my ignorance was a source of strength, I knew it all and no one could tell me different.  Then I began a journey like Winston's.  Except I moved away, I began to read things for myself, think for myself, standing on my own, believing what I believed because I knew why I believed it.  As Dylan puts it, "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."  In the eyes of many, I became weak. I realized that life is complex, ancient texts are complex, people are complex, God is complex and to pretend that I understand all of those parts of my life and the cosmos is a fool's game.  To me that's not ignorance it's a humble acceptance of the truth, the truth that I'm one guy, I don't have all the answers, and I'm trying to figure this out as best  as I can with the time I have.  

Today (draft)

I love you go away full fill your duty of conjured happiness
Take the illegal car spurts and gurts nefariously seeing shadows of vice
Unleash the golden key 9,431 turns to the open 
grave with bones asking for new earrings
Yard crosses yelling I've got better things to do
Nine dollars and ninety-nine cents
More! More! More! I whisper
at the avalanche of nouns
How dare you remain satisfied with Tuesday?
Peanut butter and jelly leave the meat eaters hungry
500 pounds of beef will be the only satisfying plea bargain
Do it five more times or it's off to the slammer
Leave and come back to the headache 
My blood pressure is significantly higher

Slaughterhouse-Five

It's a travesty that before picking up this book my only knowledge of Kurt Vonnegut was his cameo appearance in "Back to School".  "Slaughterhouse-Five" may be the most interesting book I've ever read, which explains why it was towards the top of the reading list.  The story, which doesn't begin until chapter 2, starts with the line, "Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time." And the journey begins.


We follow Billy Pilgrim as he is transported from his time as a POW during WWII, to a middle-aged husband and father, to his time on the alien planet Tralfamadore. Vonnegut's prose flows seamlessly between these various events and times of his life.  Pilgrim's experience in WWII focuses on an event I was not familiar with, the bombing of Dresden.  An event mired in controversy, with some death toll estimates surpassing that of Hiroshima.    After the war, Billy marries and becomes an optometrist with some measure of success.  Then in 1967 he is abducted by the Tralfamadorians and taken to their home planet to be on display in their zoo.  Since Billy is "unstuck in time" he travels freely between these parts of his life. 


There is a theme of imprisonment throughout Billy's journeys.  He's trapped as a POW, told what to do and when to do it, as an exhibit in the Tralfamadorian Zoo, and he's trapped in the real world in a marriage he doesn't enjoy with people who don't understand him.  All of these outside forces contribute to his utter disconnection with everything and everyone around him.  These feelings of entrapment permeate much of the Western world.  I confess that there have been and continue to be moments when I feel trapped by entities I do not and cannot control.  Oftentimes this results in disconnecting from the world and focusing my attention and energies on other pursuits that offer, at the very least, a perceived freedom.


My first foray into Vonnegut's writings provided much enjoyment.  I literally laughed out loud during several passages.  His ability to weave together seemingly disparate parts of Billy's life is utterly amazing, he was a genius.  (And so it goes.)  I'm looking forward to reading more from Vonnegut as I make my way down the list.

"The Great Gatsby"

At least twice in my life I've been assigned to read "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I'm pretty sure I read it one of those times, though I can't be for certain.  In my reading list  this book is actually listed first and it tops many lists of the greatest novels of the 20th century and of American literature. It truly is a work of art. Certain passages simply blew my mind in their depth and beauty.  


"I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life." 


"Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people I have ever known."


And quite possibly my favorite line from the book and one that I believe summarizes the four main characters...


"A phrase began to beat in my ears with a sort of heady excitement: 'There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired.'"


This short novel explores the life of Jay Gatsby through the eyes of Nick Carraway, Gatsby's neighbor on Long Island during the 1920's.  Gatsby is the envy of most everyone, throwing elaborate parties at his mansion, and remaining an enigma to much of society.  As Nick and Gatsby's friendship grows, more details are revealed as to Gatsby's true nature and his arrival on Long Island.  In relation to the quote above we learn that he is definitely one of "the pursuing" types of people to whom Nick is referring.  In my mind, this is why Fitzgerald refers to Gatsby as "great", he's an opportunistic, self-made man, with a firm goal in mind. He's the iconic hero in a great American novel.  An individual, pulling himself up by his bootstraps, who cannot rest until he has everything he desires, all distinctively American attributes.  


So what can I learn from "The Great Gatsby"?  The character of Jay Gatsby is in pursuit of a lofty goal, like me and my pursuit of bettering my mind, body and spirit.  However, Gatsby and I differ on what we are pursuing.  To mention Gatsby's primary pursuit would be to give away a major plot point, so I won't.  If you haven't read the book then for the sake of this entry just know that it's something he cannot and should not possess.  But, the pursuit of his goal has made his life interesting and well, "great", and once it is within his grasp his world begins to crumble.  My goal is to be a better man, husband, father, son, friend through growing my health, my mental faculties and my spiritual life.  I realize that I will never fully achieve this goal, there will always be room for improvement in my life, but, like Gatsby, my hope is that the pursuit itself will make my life "great".

"The Prince"

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm seeking to improve my mind by reading some of the greatest works of literature.  I began this quest with a short little book entitled "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli.  I downloaded it for free through ibooks and read it in about a week, a great feat for me as I am a slow reader.  Mrs. Hooper, my 10th grade English teacher, assigned this title for us to read, and I truly cannot remember if I completed my assignment or not.  I remember reading some of it and it not keeping my attention.  The read was definitely easier now that I'm a little older, a leader of others and possess a better idea of the way the world works.  


"The Prince" is a collection of thoughts and observations made by Machiavelli on how one successfully holds the title of Prince.  Written in Europe in the 1500's, the title of Prince held more weight than it does today, probably less paparazzi and international wedding sensations.  Machiavelli encourages Princes on how to keep their subjects in their place using examples from ancient and recent history.  His goal is noble, he simply wants to help people succeed and avoid the pitfalls of their predecessors.  However, to me it was unnerving to read about how one must do absolutely anything and everything to hold onto one's power.  That power, its acquisition, maintenance and growth are paramount to everything else in life is not something that sits well in my spirit.  


I'm well aware that power is the ultimate goal for most people within politics, religion and business, it's just not something I personally desire.  I'm much more interested in a team of people working together for a common goal than a group of people performing acts just to make someone else richer or greater in the eyes of the world.  Believe me, I've tried to force my brain to switch gears and make decisions that will make me look better while provoking the ire of those who follow me, and it has always ended badly.  One bit of advice that I did agree with Machiavelli related to maintaining the peace and overall happiness of the people the Prince leads.  He promoted the idea that the Prince may have to be stern to his subjects, but he should never provoke their hatred.  Even if the task is great, if everyone involved understands the importance and benefit of the task's completion, compliance is far easier to achieve.  I've seen that happen within my company, a manager mistreats his people and it always concludes with the manager losing his job.  


Overall, I enjoyed reading "The Prince".  It was the first "secular" leadership book I've read in a long time and it challenged the ways I lead and think about those who follow me.  One of the accomplishments I hope to achieve in this goal of reading is precisely what this book provided, exposure to ideas that caused me to question and come to terms with my personal beliefs regarding religious and practical applications.  In my opinion that is an exercise that modern Christians fail to perform.

Revelationary Road

I'm slowly learning a life lesson, I wish that I had learned this 20 years ago, but to borrow from Scripture, I didn't have "ears to hear"...until recently.  The starting point for this life lesson happened a little over a month ago and until now I haven't really described what has been declared "the episode".  January 10 of this year I woke up and performed my normal routine, made some coffee and began to sit down and read before finishing up getting ready for work.  As I moved from the counter to the kitchen table, the room began spinning in my head.  It felt like someone was doing a hammer throw inside my brain.  I made my way to the table, my hands began to shake and my head suddenly felt like it weighed about 50 pounds.  I laid down thinking it would go away, but it didn't.  I've never felt that way in my life, I literally thought, this is how it all ends.  I was afraid that Izzy would wake up first and find my expired body laid out on the kitchen table.  I called out for Rachael and she came and asked what was wrong.  I vomited.  She took my blood pressure and it was 185/120 (normal is 110/90 and strokes happen when the top number is above 160).  My BP later spiked at 208/140!  She called the store to make arrangements for me and took me to the emergency room.  They did tests and kept me overnight to monitor some medicine for my blood pressure.  The doctor discerned that I did not have a heart attack or stroke and labeled it as a "significant cardiac episode."  I was released the next day with my first ever daily prescription.

I took the rest of the week off from work.  It was a tough week even though I was trying to relax and keep tabs on this new medication.  My body has never let down like that before, it was frustrating.  It's supposed to keep me alive and every organ should be doing its job.  But on that morning it wasn't.  It was failing me.  I struggled that week between fits of sorrow, depression, and anger.  The truth is I knew I had some issues with high BP but did not do anything about it.  I thought it would fix itself and everything would be alright.  


Here's the life lesson, 


things just don't happen by themselves 


or in other words, 


you are responsible for your life.


Revolutionary, right?


My health, my mind, my soul is in my care.  Their health or disease is largely on me.  Yes, I know there are things like family history, genetics, geography, etc that can contribute to who I am and what I become, but my reaction to all of those factors rests on my shoulders.  So, what am I doing or going to do in order to take responsibility for my life?


Well, I'm of the belief that we as humans are made up of our body, our mind, and our soul.  As one attempting to follow the teachings of Christ, I also believe that these three areas of our life should reflect my love of God.  My goal is to do something big or small everyday to improve and promote the health of my body, my mind and my soul.  Here are some of the practical ways in which I'm pursuing improvement in each of those areas.


Body-I discovered and fell in love with www.nerdfitness.com .  I'm doing the body weight strength training and it's kicking my rear.  I'm in my third week and I can already feel some firmness in my legs, stomach and arms.  I'm also eating a lot more fruits, veggies, and whole grains.  Eating out has dwindled from 5-6 times a week to maybe twice a week.  I've lost 10 pounds and haven't felt this good in a long time.


Mind-I'm getting back into reading a portion of the Rule of St. Benedict everyday.  It's a great little guide for living a Christ-centered life.  I'm also attempting to read a wider variety of books than I normally do.  I'm using 100 Must Read Books as a starting point for some of these readings.  I will attempt to do a mini book review as I finish each book.


Soul-I will pray in the morning and evening as a part of my daily discipline.  I keep flipping back and forth between prayer books, so I hope to narrow it down to one within the next few weeks.  This week I've been using the Glenstal Book of Daily Prayer . I enjoy it, it's simpler than some of the other books I've used, but I miss the Scripture readings that some of the other books contain.  Also since we are in Lent, I'm fasting.  


There you go, three areas of life that I'm trying to not only love God, but also love my family, my friends and myself.  Like I said, I wish I had started these goals 20 years ago, but I keep reminding myself that I can only impact today and tomorrow, and it's up to me to impact both.

Why We Fail Reason #486

Had an interesting interaction with a customer the other day. This guy approaches me and asks if we carry a book called "Burning Down The Shack", a critique of the fiction title "The Shack" by William Young. I had heard of the book but neither he nor I could remember the author's name. So off to the computer I went and as I was searching for this author, he began to explain to me why he was inquiring about this book.

He had seen the author being interviewed and immediately agreed with the author's statements regarding the errant theological views presented in a novel. He spoke with his wife about the interview and she informed him that she and other ladies at her church did a book club study on "The Shack" a couple of years ago. He became enraged that something like this could happen at his church so he came to me to find this book in order to understand why this fiction was so evil. Then came the statement that I can't get out of my head, he said, "Now, I'm never gonna read 'The Shack'. I just want this other book to tell me why it's wrong."  Judgement had already been passed on a subject with which he had never interacted.

Ugh.

I was so angry, I stepped to the stockroom to have a moment to vent and calm down.

Unfortunately I encounter this paradigm all the time regarding spiritual matters, Bible translations, music styles, author perspectives, denominations, etc., well-meaning individuals simply repeating what their favorite pastor/teacher/theologian/author has said or written. I guess this makes me so angry because for much of my life I did the exact same thing, and probably still do to some extent. Growing up in Bapti-costal churches, preachers spoke with intense authority, sweating profusely, slinging spit and Bible quotes all over the congregation. These (exclusively) men were never questioned and the congregants were required to simply listen and obey. Questioning their authority was akin to questioning God Himself. During some of my most formative years I lived believing blatant lies about God, Christ and daily life simply because I did not seek the truth myself. I relied completely upon the sayings of one who possessed more authority than me. I'm still recovering from some of the hurts those lies inflicted on me and those I love.

I'm not big on confrontation, so I helped the customer find his book and sent him on his way. I wish that I could redo my interaction with the Shack-hating customer. I wish that I could go back and say to him, "I would encourage you to read 'The Shack', because it's good to have first-person knowledge of the issues that concern you and your family. Then after you have read it, thought through the concepts presented in that work of fiction, read the rebuttal that you are buying today. First look at the content, then come up with your own conclusions, and finally share those insights with a trusted friend."  


I can't go back in time and communicate some advice to that guy, but I can remind you to think and discover for yourself.  Don't get caught being a repeat button for somebody else's heart or brain.  God gave you those organs for a reason, use them.