Today (draft)

I love you go away full fill your duty of conjured happiness
Take the illegal car spurts and gurts nefariously seeing shadows of vice
Unleash the golden key 9,431 turns to the open 
grave with bones asking for new earrings
Yard crosses yelling I've got better things to do
Nine dollars and ninety-nine cents
More! More! More! I whisper
at the avalanche of nouns
How dare you remain satisfied with Tuesday?
Peanut butter and jelly leave the meat eaters hungry
500 pounds of beef will be the only satisfying plea bargain
Do it five more times or it's off to the slammer
Leave and come back to the headache 
My blood pressure is significantly higher

Slaughterhouse-Five

It's a travesty that before picking up this book my only knowledge of Kurt Vonnegut was his cameo appearance in "Back to School".  "Slaughterhouse-Five" may be the most interesting book I've ever read, which explains why it was towards the top of the reading list.  The story, which doesn't begin until chapter 2, starts with the line, "Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time." And the journey begins.


We follow Billy Pilgrim as he is transported from his time as a POW during WWII, to a middle-aged husband and father, to his time on the alien planet Tralfamadore. Vonnegut's prose flows seamlessly between these various events and times of his life.  Pilgrim's experience in WWII focuses on an event I was not familiar with, the bombing of Dresden.  An event mired in controversy, with some death toll estimates surpassing that of Hiroshima.    After the war, Billy marries and becomes an optometrist with some measure of success.  Then in 1967 he is abducted by the Tralfamadorians and taken to their home planet to be on display in their zoo.  Since Billy is "unstuck in time" he travels freely between these parts of his life. 


There is a theme of imprisonment throughout Billy's journeys.  He's trapped as a POW, told what to do and when to do it, as an exhibit in the Tralfamadorian Zoo, and he's trapped in the real world in a marriage he doesn't enjoy with people who don't understand him.  All of these outside forces contribute to his utter disconnection with everything and everyone around him.  These feelings of entrapment permeate much of the Western world.  I confess that there have been and continue to be moments when I feel trapped by entities I do not and cannot control.  Oftentimes this results in disconnecting from the world and focusing my attention and energies on other pursuits that offer, at the very least, a perceived freedom.


My first foray into Vonnegut's writings provided much enjoyment.  I literally laughed out loud during several passages.  His ability to weave together seemingly disparate parts of Billy's life is utterly amazing, he was a genius.  (And so it goes.)  I'm looking forward to reading more from Vonnegut as I make my way down the list.

"The Great Gatsby"

At least twice in my life I've been assigned to read "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I'm pretty sure I read it one of those times, though I can't be for certain.  In my reading list  this book is actually listed first and it tops many lists of the greatest novels of the 20th century and of American literature. It truly is a work of art. Certain passages simply blew my mind in their depth and beauty.  


"I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life." 


"Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people I have ever known."


And quite possibly my favorite line from the book and one that I believe summarizes the four main characters...


"A phrase began to beat in my ears with a sort of heady excitement: 'There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired.'"


This short novel explores the life of Jay Gatsby through the eyes of Nick Carraway, Gatsby's neighbor on Long Island during the 1920's.  Gatsby is the envy of most everyone, throwing elaborate parties at his mansion, and remaining an enigma to much of society.  As Nick and Gatsby's friendship grows, more details are revealed as to Gatsby's true nature and his arrival on Long Island.  In relation to the quote above we learn that he is definitely one of "the pursuing" types of people to whom Nick is referring.  In my mind, this is why Fitzgerald refers to Gatsby as "great", he's an opportunistic, self-made man, with a firm goal in mind. He's the iconic hero in a great American novel.  An individual, pulling himself up by his bootstraps, who cannot rest until he has everything he desires, all distinctively American attributes.  


So what can I learn from "The Great Gatsby"?  The character of Jay Gatsby is in pursuit of a lofty goal, like me and my pursuit of bettering my mind, body and spirit.  However, Gatsby and I differ on what we are pursuing.  To mention Gatsby's primary pursuit would be to give away a major plot point, so I won't.  If you haven't read the book then for the sake of this entry just know that it's something he cannot and should not possess.  But, the pursuit of his goal has made his life interesting and well, "great", and once it is within his grasp his world begins to crumble.  My goal is to be a better man, husband, father, son, friend through growing my health, my mental faculties and my spiritual life.  I realize that I will never fully achieve this goal, there will always be room for improvement in my life, but, like Gatsby, my hope is that the pursuit itself will make my life "great".